Dj Khaled - No New Friends ft. Drake, Lil Wayne, Rick Ross and Future

By Jimmy Ness and originally written for Passionweiss

DJ Khaled should worry about new ideas, instead of new friends. He needs a crew that brings creative criticism to the studio rather than codeine. The “DJ” has used the same technique to make music for seven records- cram a bunch of relevant artists on a track with a “cinematic hook” and let the power of their popularity sell the record. Khaled’s first release Listennn…the album had an intro with over 24 guest features in less than two minutes. Who really needed to hear a song featuring Pitbull, Nas and Bone Thugs N Harmony performing together?

Seven years later, Khaled bin Abdul Khaled still hasn’t learnt his lesson. “No New Friends” sounds like a b-side to “Bitches Love Me,” and was probably made during the same session. Drake sings the melodramatic hook over traditional understated production from BFFs “Boi-1da” and Noah “40” Shebib. He mentions “Bitches Love Me” specifically during his bland raps and tries to drop a hot line by saying “If I had a baby momma she would probably be richer than a lot of you.” This line falls flat because a) It’s not very good and b) Drizzy would never just have a “baby momma.” I bet five Birdman handrubs he would be shopping for maternity underwear in the blink of an eye.

Rozay comes along secondly and grunts a tepid verse, which only women’s rights groups will bother paying attention to. Weezy also appears to drop a few throwaway verses and the cycle of mediocrity is complete. Just in case there wasn’t enough star power, an unaccredited Future pops up during the last few seconds of the track. If Khaled is so concerned with keeping old friends, he should have thrown T-Pain a scrap and let him sing the Gucci astronaut’s part. It’s not as if this song could get any less memorable.

Four of the most popular current artists, and still not a single reason to replay this track? Blame Khaled. The true reason he has “No new friends” is because he’s always shouting WETHEBEST and no one likes a braggart, especially if their claims are blatantly untrue. If all of Khaled’s music is a movie like he claims, this is definitely the Baby Geniuses 2 of rap.

Juicy J ft Lil Wayne - Bands Make Her Dance (Remix)

By Jimmy Ness and originally published at Passionweiss

2 Chainz, Drake, Future, Juicy J. Mike Will’s stellar production has steadily been tricking me into liking rappers I think I shouldn’t. My inner rap snob dies a little each time Juicy J’s strip club anthem knocks my ears, but this song’s just too good to ignore. Will’s first single from Est in 1989 Pt. 2 flicks between atmospheric keys and hand claps making it both ominous and thrilling.  (The rest is probably a little NSFW)

The “Bands Make Her Dance” remix is unchanged from the original except for a throwaway Lil Wayne verse. Luckily almost anyone would sound good over this cinematic beat (not Kreyashawn though, never that). Weezy uses the hilariously stupid name “Steven Spielnigga,” switches his flow slightly and thankfully doesn’t sing … much. “I make it rain on ya like a windowpane,” is a very lame metaphor though, and mentioning that stupid “Cashin Out” song should be illegal. Post-jail Wayne only receives a 3/5 grade and participation award for this rhyme.

Jordan Houston is still the star of the show and his chant raps work extremely well. The rap elder continues his strange comeback streak with a reworked a line from Blue Dream & Lean : “You say no to ratchet pussy, Juicy J can’t!” It’s particularly magical when he says “these chicks clapping and they ain’t using hands,” just as Mike Will’s slapping beat kicks in. Juicy also states that it’s not a strip club if there are no vaginas on display, which is hard to disagree with. This track should earn Juicy J a second Academy Award and Mike Will a free lap dance from Gangsta Boo.

The Music Surve

First album: Space Jam soundtrack.

I loved the movie so it made sense that I got the album too. My first introduction to Jay-Z, Busta Rhymes, LL Cool J, Method Man and D'Angelo, so not a bad start really.

This was my favourite track and I still know it word for word:

Note: Technically my first CD was actually the self-titled album by cheesy 90s group All-4-One, but my mother made me return it because it had subtle masturbation metaphors. I brought it because of the strength of this uplifting and revolutionary ballad. I was like eight or nine so give me a break.

First concert: Blindspott

I can’t remember exactly, but New Zealand nu metal band Blindspott played at my high school and I still remember the vocalist pretending to scream as a pre-recorded track played in the background.

Pathetic.

Last album: Big L: Lifestylez ov da Poor & Dangerous

I had a big gap in my music knowledge so this album was on my to-listen list for a long time. Pretty entertaining album thanks to Big L's wordplay, despite the samey beats with shouted hooks.

Last concert: Kanye West and Jay-Z: Watch The Throne.

My first time seeing both of them and my first show at The Staples Centre. Say what you want about Ye's arrogance or the declining quality in Jay's music, but they are amazing live.

Favourite albums: A ridiculously hard question.

I’d say the holy Wu trinity: Supreme Clientele, Ironman and Only Built 4 Cuban Linx or Tool`s Anima album. Maybe throw in some Chip Tha Ripper, Vintersorg, *Shels, and B.I.G as well.

Musical guilty pleasure: More cheesy 90s R&B or power metal I liked when I was angry and 13.

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